Excerpt from the Daily Lemming - Book I: Lemmings - Chapter One: Lemming Hypothesis Proved
Lemmings own thou. It ist a fact. We owneth thou. We also owneth thy cat. We art the A.S.S., and we ownest all of thy body and exterior organs. We arest supreme over all species, except glaciers, but then again, who carest about glaciers? My friend doest, but not my cat. But I ownest my cat, as well as thy cat, even if thou doest not have a cat. But we still ownest all the cats in the world, or at least all the cats in downtown Chicago. And most imporantly, we ownest thou.
And we owenest more than thou. We own thy family, thy armchairs, and thy convertible igloos. We own everything. We own everything that the word "you" would apply for. We own the century, the farsighted, the nosecaps, the southern Alps, and, most imporantly, disposable dishwashers. We hast no legal contract that sayeth all our possessions, because no soul bothereth to do our duty, even with our threats of disowning them. It ist probably also because no one really believes that we arest the A.S.S. Most people in this world insist on hearing proof of something before they believe it. However, we hast proof. We hast proved the Lemming Hypothesis...?
This ist due to the work of Sål, the great Lemming Mathematician. The Lemming Hypothesis hast been unproven for nearly a century, but then Sål succeeded. He did nost succeedeth from luck, but pure hard effort, working for a grand total of 7 minutes and 34 seconds. He sacrificed spending his 7.5 minutes doing something pointless, and instead surged through the world to accomplish his goal. Here be the Lemming Hypothesis:
1. Take the Lemon Hypothesis, proved by Bål, which says that Lemmings = We own you.
2. Take the fact that we are nothing, which means that we = 0.
3. Since we = 0, we can remove the "we".
4. This leaves us with Lemmings = own you, which means that Lemmings own you.
5. Multiply both sides by 347 + 147i a few times, so it will look like you did more work than you actually did.
6. Sell the Lemming Hypothesis so some institution for an unreasonable price. If they do not accept, write an autobiography about yourself telling about how no one accepted your theories, and how you suffered a tragic life.
O! ist thy Lemming Hypothesis as great as thy cat, or even ast thy detoriorating electric calendars that lie in some forgotten dungeon? O, this will go down in history, until some left-handed fanatic finds all the history books that mention the Lemming Hypothesis and tears the pages about the Lemming Hypothesis out.
(At this point, Sål began to feel the effects of the drinks which he had drunk on the tour. The next few paragraphs were completely irrelevant, mostly telling about his secret love-life with Hnorsgh. Therefore, we wilst stop us selves here.)
Lemmings own thou. It ist a fact. We owneth thou. We also owneth thy cat. We art the A.S.S., and we ownest all of thy body and exterior organs. We arest supreme over all species, except glaciers, but then again, who carest about glaciers? My friend doest, but not my cat. But I ownest my cat, as well as thy cat, even if thou doest not have a cat. But we still ownest all the cats in the world, or at least all the cats in downtown Chicago. And most imporantly, we ownest thou.
And we owenest more than thou. We own thy family, thy armchairs, and thy convertible igloos. We own everything. We own everything that the word "you" would apply for. We own the century, the farsighted, the nosecaps, the southern Alps, and, most imporantly, disposable dishwashers. We hast no legal contract that sayeth all our possessions, because no soul bothereth to do our duty, even with our threats of disowning them. It ist probably also because no one really believes that we arest the A.S.S. Most people in this world insist on hearing proof of something before they believe it. However, we hast proof. We hast proved the Lemming Hypothesis...?
This ist due to the work of Sål, the great Lemming Mathematician. The Lemming Hypothesis hast been unproven for nearly a century, but then Sål succeeded. He did nost succeedeth from luck, but pure hard effort, working for a grand total of 7 minutes and 34 seconds. He sacrificed spending his 7.5 minutes doing something pointless, and instead surged through the world to accomplish his goal. Here be the Lemming Hypothesis:
1. Take the Lemon Hypothesis, proved by Bål, which says that Lemmings = We own you.
2. Take the fact that we are nothing, which means that we = 0.
3. Since we = 0, we can remove the "we".
4. This leaves us with Lemmings = own you, which means that Lemmings own you.
5. Multiply both sides by 347 + 147i a few times, so it will look like you did more work than you actually did.
6. Sell the Lemming Hypothesis so some institution for an unreasonable price. If they do not accept, write an autobiography about yourself telling about how no one accepted your theories, and how you suffered a tragic life.
O! ist thy Lemming Hypothesis as great as thy cat, or even ast thy detoriorating electric calendars that lie in some forgotten dungeon? O, this will go down in history, until some left-handed fanatic finds all the history books that mention the Lemming Hypothesis and tears the pages about the Lemming Hypothesis out.
(At this point, Sål began to feel the effects of the drinks which he had drunk on the tour. The next few paragraphs were completely irrelevant, mostly telling about his secret love-life with Hnorsgh. Therefore, we wilst stop us selves here.)
posted by Jaja at 1:51 PM
2 Comments:
Who's Hsnorg?
It's spelled Hnorsgh, by the way. And he is the president of the Moose and the Cap't'lists. You'd have to read Foghorn.
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