THE ABRIDGED VERSION OF THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JAJA BEBE, PART III: HOW THEY ALL BEGAN (1934-1945)

With the end of Prohibition, I decided that I would end my alchohol smuggling days. It's over, right? I thought. But I didn't realize that it wasn't over until it was over yet. First let me tell you about the next couple of years. For the next couple of years, I committed very few crimes, enough for the police not to arrest me, because they didn't take me too seriously. Occasionally, the president of some major company would be found dead in his office, and the FBI would find my fingerprints next to the crime scene, and when a neighbor came by my house, he or she would notice that one of my finest swords had blood on it, but the police were willing to put it off as a big coincidence, because at the time, I was the main part of a popular 30-minute show that was occasionally shown at the theaters. It was called The Freak Show.

The Freak Show was a show about a group of five freaks, named Wocker, Zocker, Bloge, Farksmith, and Ed (I played Ed), and their freakish adventures. The plot revolved mostly around the Freaks' desires to dunk their heads in lemon juice, and their battles with the CIA to do this. Occasionally they would try to get Frickenstein, the only sensible person in town, to sell them used pincushions for ten cents. Sometimes the Freaks would get into arguments about which mouse racing team is better, but Svorkan, the local policeman would usually resolve the issue by threating to paint fake moustaches on them. The first episode of The Freak Show was recorded in 1934. Throughout the years of 1934-1939, no less than 107 episodes of the Freak Show were recorded, and six of them were actually shown at theaters. Everyone was very reluctant to have the Freak Show shown at theaters, but occasionally we paid them so much money that they gave in. In 1940 a full-length movie called The Freak Show opened in theaters. This movie was just like a two-hour version of one Freak Show episode. (Actually, it we just combined four The Freak Show episodes together, but don't tell anybody.) I died when I saw the review that The Freak Show got in the newspaper.

In the late 1930's, I started yearning for my old smuggling days. I remember the day I first realized this. It was on a hot winter's night, and I was sitting alone next to the ice cube for coldness, playing Monopoly with my pet hyrax, when I suddenly realized, that when one has experienced the world of smuggling, and knows what it is like, then one can never truly go back. I realized that there are a lot of drugs besides alchohol that are illegal: maybe we could smuggle some marijuana, with a bit of heroin, and maybe some cocaine for variety. I decided to reinstate the Smugglish Team. When I found the former members of the Smugglish Team, I was disappointed. Most of them had turned over a new leaf and gone to the bright side. Some said that they had been caught and had to spend a few years in jail, and that they didn't want to do any more time. Most said that they had spent years in an insane asylum, and they were tired of the straight jacket. Only about 20 people, including Norse Callsworthy and Hicks Sofa (Max Sofa's grandfather) remained loyal. It looked like I would have to start from scratch, and that's what I was planning to do. But then an unexpected event caused many people to join me.

In 1941, The US entered World War II, and due to a shortage to people in the army, they started making people join, or drafting them. I was one of those unfortuante people. I somehow got drafted, even though I was forty by now and too old to fight. (Actually, the secret police raided my house one night and kidnapped me in my sleep, and the next thing I knew, I was in a plane flying to Germany, but don't tell anyone that I told you about this, because the army pays me $5,000 dollars a week not to tell anyone.) So anyway, I entered the war, and unsurprisingly, I was given the lowest rank possible, which was 12th-class Waterboy. I was immediately excited, for I knew that I had a wonderful chance to wreak havoc. I made friends with the other 12th-class Waterboys, and found out that almost all of them had a criminal record and had been drafted just so they wouldn't cause trouble, or were mentally unstable and had been given the lowest rank possible so they wouldn't be too much of a hindrance. I organized a revolt, spurring all the Waterboys on by tales of how the generals got fed every day. I said that we were "rebelling against the man", although I did not specify who the man was, and I am still not sure.

The revolt took three years to plan, although I am not sure why it took so long. It was probably because everyone was so busy making jokes about my hat that they forgot to work. During the war, I died in 1942 and 1944. I was the leader of the revolt, and Peregrin Jack, Osprey Jack's grandfather, was the second-in-command. So in 1944, we at last put our revolt into action. I went up to Wark Smartz, the leader of the Waterboys, which was the lowest rank besides the Waterboys, and told him that we were going to revolt. Wark Smartz, who didn't take me seriously, asked me what we were going to revolt about. I told him that I hadn't thought of that. I decided to make up things on the spot, such as more expensive shoes, longer working hours, toothpaste tubes for birthday presents, and so on and so on. Wark Smartz crushed our revolt. After all, it was but his duty. But he did give us all the things I asked for, since they weren't unreasonable, so the revolt was a minor success. After the war, most of the Waterboys became drug smugglers working for the Smugglish Team.